Many people hesitate to give feedback because they worry about conflict or causing offence. Receiving feedback can also trigger a defensive response. However, when shared well, feedback can help address concerns, strengthen working and learning relationships, and support success. Like any skill, giving and receiving feedback improves with preparation and practice. Use the guidance below to get started.
Before providing feedback
- Check your mindset first. Notice what you’re feeling about the situation and whether it relates to what’s happening now or something from the past. If you’re upset, angry, or frustrated, pause and come back to the situation when you can address it calmly.
- Aim to be timely. Provide feedback as soon as is reasonable after the event so it’s easier for both of you to remember what happened.
- Choose the right format and setting. Feedback can be written or verbal depending on the situation. If you plan to speak, ask permission to talk (e.g., “There’s something I’d like to discuss, is now a good time?”). Whenever possible, use a private space and avoid giving corrective feedback in public.
- Start with your intention. Let the other person know you’re sharing feedback to improve how you work or learn together. One helpful tip is to create safety early in the conversation (see Joseph Grenny’s Crucial Conversations). This YouTube video outlines ways to make a conversation feel safer.
Providing feedback
The DEAR format can be used to provide feedback verbally or in writing. It is especially helpful when you want to explain how someone’s actions or comments affected you, while staying respectful, future-focused, and solution-oriented. This approach can reduce the likelihood that the other person will feel defensive.
Receiving feedback
Being open to receiving feedback helps you understand the impact of your actions and identify areas for growth that you may not see on your own. This supports learning, accountability, and stronger working relationships, contributing to a more respectful and effective learning and working environment. Assume the best intentions of the person providing you feedback. It can be uncomfortable to provide and receive feedback, but it can be a gift to help you succeed.
Tips for receiving and responding to feedback
- Fear of having to deal with defensiveness is typically a reason people don’t want to provide feedback. Be approachable. People avoid giving feedback to people who are not approachable. Your openness is showcased through body language, facial expressions and welcoming manner.
- Listen to hear and understand – not simply to respond. Practice all the skills of an effective listener. Summarize and reflect on what you hear so that the feedback provider knows they are being heard. Focus on understanding the feedback by questioning, restating, and asking clarifying questions. Ask for an example that illustrates the feedback if you are unclear.
- Thank the person providing you with feedback.
- If you notice yourself becoming defensive, consider how you might respond if the same feedback came from someone you trust (e.g., a mentor, close friend, or family member).
- Receiving feedback doesn’t automatically mean the feedback is correct. The other person is interpreting what they observed through their own experiences. If you disagree or need time, say so and suggest following up later after you’ve reflected.